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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Basketball Jesus Pt. 2?

by Connor Witt

Dirk Nowitzki’s 48 points in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals wasn’t just good. That would be selling it short. His performance was miraculous, prodigious, even superhuman. But is it possible that Nowitzki’s divine Game 1 was more than simply a great effort on his part? I’m no prophet, but I say yes.

The theory just makes too much sense. After surging out to a 2-0 lead in the 2006 Finals, Dwyane Wade and the refs propelled the Heat to victory. The 18.25 free throws Wade averaged over the last four games essentially crucified Dirk and the Mavs. Now, five years later, Dirk has risen back to prominence and looks poised to ascend to the pantheon of NBA Champions.

The only logical explanation: Dirk Nowitzki is Basketball Jesus. (This is the part when you scoff and ask “Is he serious?!?!”) Okay, I’m not completely serious with that claim. Any self-respecting basketball nerd knows it is sacrilege to dub someone other than Larry Bird with that nickname. But seriously, I think I’m onto something with this concept.

Dirk looking Jesus-esque
while representing Germany

Extended Theory:

The Basketball Gods are sitting around watching game film pretty recently wherever it is that they hang out. (I envision it being some sort of mountaintop à la the Greek Gods, except with a big flat screen.) One of them pulls out some tapes from ’06 and decides to toss in the finals footage. They are astounded by what they see, a Mavericks contender many years in the making getting thrashed by D. Wade and a newly acquired (and still functional) Shaq. I assume that after a bit of deliberation The Basketball Gods deem that Dirk got screwed out of a championship. So, they think, what is the best way for Dirk to get his salvation?

The Basketball Gods, in a stroke of pure genius, determine that they should reward Nowitzki while denying Kobe a sixth title and embarrassing the whole Lakers organization just for kicks. And to make up for the barrage of free throws that boosted Wade and the Heat to a championship, The Basketball Gods reward Dirk with 24 free throws en route to 48 points against OKC. If Dirk keeps up this dominant play, this theory may have to be declared scientific fact. But then we have another dilemma on our hands, finding an adequately holy title to hand Dirk since Basketball Jesus is taken.

My vote is for The Sacrifical Lamb.

Court adjourned.

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