Old School Pic of the Week 10.29

NBA is back! After 149 days of anger, contempt and greed, the NBA lockout is no longer, and you will not find a happier individual than Delonte West me. Between the agents' attempted mutiny against Billy Hunter, Dwyane Wade's verbal assault of David Stern, Micky Arison's $500k fine for spilling the beans on negotiations, and the NBA's threat of a "nuclear winter," it's more than fair to say the road to this point has been a bumpy one.

However, of the countless developments throughout the NBA Lockout saga (The Nuclear Autumn, if you will) the most surprising was Michael Jordan's emergence as the most adamant hardline owner attempting to screw over the players. This was particularly surprising because -- as you may or may not be aware -- Michael Jordan used to play a bit of ball himself.

I'm no lawyer, no economist, hell, I'm not even a motivational speaker, but I am willing to bet that if you let me bring a 6' x 4' blowup of the image below to the negotiating table I solve the lockout in three hours tops. There's honestly no way MJ could cause a scene, demanding a 47/53 split of revenue while he's staring down a bigger than life version of himself silently but continually insisting, "Hey, we should all totally, like, just get along and be friends, man." 

Worth noting: the new collective bargaining agreement has a mutual opt-out in 6 years. Holler at me in 2017, players' union; I'll keep this photo on file.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 10.25

It's tough to know what's really going on with the NBA lockout. First there's a huge gulf between the parties, one day we've almost got a new CBA, and next thing you know  the sides are no longer on speaking terms.

After relying on sound bites from the NBA and union to try to make sense of this ordeal, this week the world had the opportunity to hear from head of the NBPA, Billy Hunter, on Bill Simmons' podcast.

Sure, Hunter revealed some interesting stuff about the negotiations: the bias towards owners in the media, divisions between the small-market and large-market owners, and Mark Cuban's proposed elimination of the salary cap to name a few. But the real news was the shocking revelation that David Stern and Hunter were in fact fraternity brothers in Sigma Alpha Mu back in their college days. 

Which got me thinking, is there a better pair of frat brothers to feature in an Old School Pic of the Week than the high-flying duo of Hakeem The Dream and Clyde The Glide from University of Houston's prestigious Phi Slamma Jamma?

I think not.

But don't think the story ends there. The metaphorical significance of this photo -- I'm looking at you, Hunter and Stern -- is that former fraternity brothers, though they may split up and compete against each other for many years (Houston vs. Portland), can still reunite and achieve great things ('95 NBA Champions).

Court adjourned.

Keyser Söze and Larry O'Brien

by Connor Witt

Times are tough for hoops junkies, even more so for those of us expected to continue writing even as the most compelling stories in basketball are Delonte West’s incoherent Twitter rants and Kevin Durant’s scoring outbursts in pro-am games. Recently, I’ve taken to re-reading Bill Simmons’ Book of Basketball for the umpteenth time in hopes of filling the gaping void in my soul with some sort of basketball-related content. Even though I can practically recite the book by heart at this point, one bit of information in The Legend of Keyser Söze chapter struck me differently this time around (probably because I am so desperate for something to write about that I will not hesitate to pick at the proverbial scraps.)

On page 638, Simmons defines his criteria for the best single season team of all-time, that which most closely resembles ruthlessness of the aforementioned Keyzer Söze. His third point focuses on a team’s ability to stay hungry for victory even after winning the title in the previous year(s). He writes, “Show some pride. Protect your title. Make us feel like you’d rather die than lose your championship belt. What’s the point in winning a title if you’re not going to defend it?”

Now let me stop you before you go thinking that I am suggesting the NBA should switch to championship belt rather than the current prize (though the irony of Jason Terry justifying his preemptively-tattooed championship trophy only to have the prize switched might be worth it.) Mark Cuban’s proposition to move away from the traditional championship rings was met with criticism from his own players, and I’m sure they would feel the same about replacing the iconic Larry O’Brien Trophy.

Rather, I am suggesting that in order to fight complacency in reigning champions, the O’Brien Trophy be prominently displayed behind their bench for the duration of their playoff run. This instills an added sense of pride; not only is the team competing for the NBA’s greatest prize, but it is physically theirs to lose. It would have a similar effect for opponents. If the challenge of facing the defending champs were not enough motivation, there is the potential joy of looking on as a weeping former champion – surely Kobe Bryant in a 2011 scenario – clings to the trophy while suit-clad men pry his fingers away and pack the trophy into a stainless steel suitcase to be whisked away.

Which brings me to the fine print of this concept…

1)    Though the trophy is to be displayed behind the incumbent champion’s bench, it is not under any circumstances to be touched by any of the players until they are crowned NBA champions

2)    The trophy is to be handled by either a) The exact guys in white gloves and suits that handle the Stanley Cup, or, in the event of scheduling conflicts b) exact replicas of the guys in white gloves and suits that handle the Stanley Cup

3)    If the reigning champions lose a playoff series the trophy is, as I indicated above, taken into NBA custody until a) it is presented to the eventual champion, or b) it is displayed at midcourt during Game 7 of the Finals

4)    The trophy is not to appear during the regular season unless the reigning champions are on the verge of elimination from playoff contention. (This rule has unbelievable potential. If the defending champs must win and also have a conference foe lose in order to avoid elimination, there is the possibility the rival’s contest could go final while the champs are still mid-game. This, of course, would leave the Stanley Cup holder guys no choice but to package up the trophy and make their exit, signaling the dramatic conclusion of their quest to repeat.)

So here’s how this is gonna work, David Stern. I let you implement my idea without bestowing unto me the wealth of riches that I deserve for such an awesome innovation. In return, you accept the next Player’s Association collective bargaining proposal and guarantee me a full 2011-12 season. Good doing business with you.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week: 8/2

Unlike the NFL, that just reached a labor agreement, things aren't exactly looking up for professional basketball the at the moment. Both the NBA and the NBA Player's Association (NBPA) have filed complaints to the National Labor Relations Board claiming the opposing party has not "bargained in good faith." The NBA then filed another lawsuit in federal court that seeks to void existing player contracts if the union chooses to decertify and countersue.

It is easy to lose faith that NBA action will soon return when use of jargon like decertification and countersue outnumber the dunks, screens, or passes.  But all hope is not lost, and this week's photo proves it. 

This shot from the 1988 NBA Finals shows heated rivals Magic Johnson and Isiah Thomas setting aside their differences and finding harmony in the sweet, sweet game of basketball. NBA and NBPA, I hope you're taking notes.

*Potentially Ominous Sign: In the years since this photo, Magic and Isiah's relationship has soured considerably. Both Thomas' rumored questioning of Magic's sexuality and Magic's emphasis on keeping Isiah off the 1992 Dream Team have fueled the quarrel. Let's hope the NBA situation ends more cordially.

Court adjourned.

Draft Outlook in a Lockout Year

by Connor Witt

The memorable. The outrageous. The surprising. The boneheaded. The NBA Draft has had it all.

In 2011, there’s no promise in that we’ll get to witness a prospect relegated to the green room as long as Rashard Lewis or a draft day suit to rival Jalen Rose’s red pinstriped number. But it is certain to be particularly interesting because of the NBA’s outlook for next year.

“Labor Uncertainty.” It’s every NBA pundit’s favorite phrase when looking ahead to the 2011 offseason. But let’s not beat around the bush, everyone and their sister knows that a lockout is on the horizon. We don’t know if it will swallow a whole season, but it is universally accepted that the 2011-12 season will not be the full 82 games. One effect of the lockout has already become apparent from the field of early entrants. Freshman standouts and lottery prospects Harrison Barnes, Jared Sullinger, and Perry Jones have all spurned the league to return for their sophomore campaigns. For those elite players, the choice to stay in school merely means deferring the millions they stand to make. But as a result of their decisions, a wave of second-tier players have entered an already weak draft. To this second group – unproven talents like Tristan Thompson, Tyler Honeycutt, and Tobias Harris – this year’s draft provides a unique opportunity to receive the coveted guaranteed contract that comes with being a first rounder, even if they have to wait a year to see a paycheck.

Another result: with the threat of a lost season, NBA teams will be even more inclined to spend a pick on a foreign project that can continue to improve overseas. As my fellow draftaholics know, this is a recipe for the awkward mispronunciations that David Stern has made into an art form. Just imagine: Donatas Motiejunas, Jan Vesely, Jonas Valanciunas, Nikola Mirotic, and my personal favorite, Bismack Biyombo all in the first round. Magical. Whether or not this draft class possesses the potential to succeed in the league, there is no doubt it has the potential to produce a record number of Stern fumbles and stumbles.