Now that Dwight Howard has officially become a Laker, we decided to revisit the following Court of Appeals post from October 2011 predicting the move to Los Angeles and its parallels to Shaquille O'Neal's path.
In the now-controversial interview with Esquire magazine earlier this week, Dwight Howard commented on his impeding free agency and future with the Magic. Among other things, he stated, "I just don't know what else I can do [in Orlando]."
How naïve, Mr. Howard. The immediate list that come to mind includes developing a mid-range game, restructuring Gilbert Arenas' $111 million contract, and visiting The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, just to name a few.
But honestly, I'm in no position to tell Dwight Howard what he can and cannot do. He's the 3-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year and I'm a defensive liability at my local YMCA. Shaquille O'Neal, on the other hand, holds a bit more clout...
and if Dwight has the same affinity for Shaq's leisure activities as he does for O'Neal's "Superman" moniker, then he should take after his namesake and indulge in the nautical scene of Orlando's own Lake Apopka.
It's as if he's yelling out, "C'mon in, Dwight! The water's great!!"
But if his interview is any indication, it's doubtful that Howard will actually mimic Shaq's aquatic ways. Unless, of course, you take aquatic ways to mean the joining the Lake Show, in which case it is far more likely.
After all, they both share the whole Being a 7-Foot-Tall Center Drafted First Overall by the Magic, Later Adopting the Nickname Superman and Losing in His First NBA Finals Appearance thing, so the logical next step would be Subsequently Pairing with Kobe Bryant on the Los Angeles Lakers Via Free Agency.
Let's just hope Dwight doesn't force a trade to team up with Dwyane Wade on the Heat in 2019 or he might find himself the defendant in a copyright infringement case.
When we posted Carlos Boozer's new single "Winning Streak" on Monday it got us at Court of Appeals thinking about where he ranked in the pantheon of NBA players turned rappers. So we gathered a group of friends parading as the foremost experts in basketball and hip hop and compiled our top 10.
10. Gordon Hayward aka G-Time- "Too Big Yo"
To get a good understanding of the worst possible result an NBA player turned rapper can produce we start with Gordon Hayward, also known by his stage name G-Time. I could offer my own insight on this song but I believe the principal in Billy Madison really captured it best:
"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
9. Carlos Boozer & Twista- "Winning Streak" (feat. Mario Winans)
If you've ever watched Carlos Boozer on the basketball court, odds are you've also heard one or two of his signature yells. But clearly audio snippets picked up by microphones at either end of the court can't do justice to the two-time all-star's vocal abilities. So Boozer got in the lab with Twista and Mario Winans and churned out this gem to show us his he's got more to his lyrical game than just "Gimme dat sh*t" and "AND 1!" Last week we wrote, I don't think the big fella will be winning any Grammy awards for the single, but on a scale of 1 to Shaq Fu (the vanguard of all NBA rap) I'd give it a Ron Artest and a half. As it turned out, Ron Artest jumped him in the rankings. Sorry Carlos.
8. Jason Kidd- "What the Kidd Did"
In Kidd’s first stint in Dallas, he wasn’t known for being a vocal leader on the floor, but a vocal leader on the microphone. In this sultry smooth ballad about himself, Kidd reminisces about how he was misunderstood in high school, his days at Cal, and even likens himself to football great Jim Kelly. If I were J-Kidd I’d focus less on gaining respect for my ring, and focus on getting respect for my rhymes. But hey, “Who said being a Kidd was easy?”
7. Kobe Bryant- "K.O.B.E."
Kobe’s penchant for the ladies is a pretty well documented, to say the least. In his critically acclaimed single, “K.O.B.E,” Kobe lets loose his issues with the womenfolk. From women using him for his money, to finding true love, to God, the Black Mamba pours his heart out. The man lives by a simple code, “basketball, beats and broads.” I respect the hell out of that. And when you Add Tyra Banks to the track, pshhh, game over. This beat is pure gold (and purple, I guess).
6. Tony Parker- "Top of the Game" (feat Fabolous & Booba)
Damn, I wish I were Tony Parker. The dude has it all, beautiful women, three NBA Championships, a finals MVP, charisma, charm, and above all else mad filthy French rapping skills. The video portrays a typical day for Tony. Chillin’ on some fire escape stairs, shootin’ hoops with friends Fabolous and Booba, spittin’ rhymes while fire and smoke drape over them. Ya know, classic French stuff. If I could understand what Tony was actually saying there might be some room for some lyrical criticism. But let's just face it, it sounds cool.
5. Ron Artest- "Champions"
Call it cocky, call it lucky, or call it Ron-Artest-is-so crazy-he-might-be-psychic, but Artest wrote the song “Champions,” a year before he and the Lakers took the title in 2010. It only took Artest about 5 minutes after game 7 to promote his single, and thank his psychiatrist. But with over 2 million hits on youtube, and a featured track on the video game NBA 2K11, the song is a hit. With a pretty catchy hook, sweet music video, and Artest’s Nostradamusesque allure the hit lands on our list at number 5.
4. Lou Williams- "Slow It Down" (feat. David Patten)
Lou touches on the topics of cribs, cars, and cash in "Slow It Down." Not exactly revolutionizing rap content, but you gotta hand it to the guy he's got a pretty nice flow, NBA player or not. And if this list were for the song featuring the best crooning from a white guy, it's a lock for #1.
3. Allen Iverson aka Jewelz- "Last Night"
There are a few questions "The Answer" has to address now that no NBA team is willing to give the former MVP another chance. How is he going to reconcile the massive debt he has incurred? And secondly, will he take his chances playing soccer, or hit the studio to make some scrilla? Admittedly, I would love to see Iverson strap on some cleats and hit the pitch, but I think Iverson has a better shot putting out an album. Ironically, Iverson's rap name Jewelz, is the exact vice that got him in this whole financial pickle. Iverson's track has nice production, and hilariously ironic name aside, he's actually pretty good. Unfortunately for Iverson he hasn't put out any new material for a while. It seems that much like his basketball routine, his rapping routine lacks practice.
2. Shaquille O'Neal- "I Know" (I Got Skillz)
Shaq is a jack of many trades and he's been known to dabble in the rap game. I'd argue Shaq's verse on Fu Schnickens' "What's Up Doc" is a better overall performance but as far as solo tracks go "I Know I Got Skillz" is the jam. Bonus points to the Diesel for his khaki vest suit thing in the music video.
Today Shaquille O'Neal, AKA Superman, AKA The Big Diesel, AKA Wilt Chamberneezy, AKA Shaq Fu, AKA The Big Aristotle, AKA The Big Shaqtus, AKA The Big Shamrock turns 40 years old. Though his playing days are over, I am confident in saying Shaq will remain a prominent personality for years to come. With four championships, three finals MVPs, and two scoring titles, let us not forget Shaq's one crowning achievement was his role in Kazaam. Happy Birthday.
If you've ever watched Carlos Boozer on the basketball court, odds are you've also heard one or two of his signature yells. But clearly audio snippets picked up by microphones at either end of the court can't do justice to the two-time all-star's vocal abilities.
So Boozer got in the lab with Twista and Mario Winans and churned out this gem to show us his he's got more to his lyrical game than just "Gimme dat sh*t" and "AND 1!" I don't think the big fella will be winning any Grammy awards for the single, but on a scale of 1 to Shaq Fu (the vanguard of all NBA rap) I'd give it a Ron Artest and a half.
Make no mistake, I'm not suggesting Boozer should give up as an MC altogether. I'm just saying if he wants me to keep listening to his work he better A) address the mystery of his magically appearing hair on a song or B) toss up a track with the audio from his on-court screams as ad libs.
In the now-controversial interview with Scott Raab of Esquire magazine earlier this week, Dwight Howard commented on his impeding free agency and future with the Magic. Among other things, he stated, "I just don't know what else I can do [in Orlando]."
How naïve, Mr. Howard. The immediately list of things that come to mind includes developing a mid-range game, restructuring Gilbert Arenas' $111 million contract, and visiting The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, just to name a few.
But honestly, I'm in no position to tell Dwight Howard what he can and cannot do. He's the 3-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year and I'm a defensive liability at my local YMCA. Shaquille O'Neal on the other hand holds a bit more clout...
and if Dwight has the same affinity for his leisure activities that he has for Shaq's "Superman" moniker, then he should take after his namesake and enjoy the nautical scene in Orlando's own Lake Apopka.
It's as if he's yelling out, "C'mon in, Dwight! The water's great!!"
But if his interview is any indication, it appears doubtful that he will actually mimic Shaq's aquatic ways. Unless, of course, you take aquatic ways to mean the joining the Lake Show, in which case it is far more likely.
After all, they both share the whole Being a 7-Foot-Tall Center Drafted First Overall by the Magic, Later Adopting the Nickname Superman and Losing in His First NBA Finals Appearance thing, so it seems that the logical next step would be Subsequently Pairing with Kobe Bryant on the Los Angeles Lakers Via Free Agency.
Let's just hope Dwight doesn't force a trade to team up with Dwyane Wade on the Heat in 2019 or he might find himself the defendant in a copyright infringement case.
The rumor around town is that Shaquille O'Neal will be joining Charles Barkley and the gang as the newest member of TNT's broadcast team. Though I had originally begged for ESPN to hire Shaq as Van Gundy's new counterpart for ESPN games, I certainly am not disappointed with the way things turned out. The combo of Sir Charles and The Big (almost any noun in the English dictionary is applicable) immediately has the potential to be considered one of the all-time great dynamic duos right along with Jordan & Pippen, Batman & Robin, and Peanut Butter & Jelly...
though I am uncertain where Shaq and Cindy Crawford rank on the long list of history's great tandems.
