Amnesty Alert

As the season comes to an end for team after team, the front offices have to make the call on which players have a future with the team and which need to be sent packing. Following last year's lockout, the NBA implemented a provision that allows teams to cut players and not have their remaining salary count against the salary cap. These big-money players have been underperforming for their fat contracts  and have landed themselves on Court of Appeals' Amnesty Alert.




Chicago Bulls - Carlos Boozer

He was brought in to Chicago as a post threat to pair with Derrick Rose because of his offensive versatility, but he has hurt the team so much defensively that he can't be left on the floor in tight contests. Typically his ability to hit open shots and create his own offense would be enough to make up for his defensive shortcomings, but he has not been producing at the all-star level we are accustomed to seeing. Don't get us wrong, we love Carlos Boozer at Court of Appeals but he's going to need to do more than spraypaint his head and put out the occasional dismal hip-hop song to earn the $47 million remaining on his contract. Taj Gibson, though not the same scorer, makes peanuts in comparison ($3.2 million in 2012-13) and provides comparable stats per 36 minutes plus a definite defensive edge. For 15 million per season, he can't expect put up 3 points in an elimination game and feel any sense of job security. If Boozer is in fact amnestied, I only pray that he pairs up with the newly-unemployed Stan Van Gundy to form a duo with unmatched yelling capabilities.


New York Knicks - Amar'e Stoudemire

Speaking of underperforming power forwards with lackluster defensive skills... Stoudemire was worse in nearly every statistical category in his first full season alongside Carmelo Anthony. With the Mike D'Antoni era in the Big Apple ending only a tad more respectably than Isiah Thomas', the Knicks must be wondering if the Carmelo/Amar'e/Chandler trio is the right core to move forward with. They owe Stoudemire $65 million over three more seasons, a steep price to pay especially when that money might have to cover punitive damages to Amar'e's poor fire extinguisher or Jeremy Lin for his impressive performance in an incredibly small body of work. This is the same team that gave Jerome James $30 million based on one impressive playoff series after a season in which he averaged 5 points and 3 boards after all.

Los Angeles Clippers - Mo Williams

Mo was probably happy to escape the Post-Decision Cavaliers for the greener pastures of Los Angeles. Throwing lobs to Blake Griffin and popping trey balls in SoCal is quite a bit more enticing than running the pick and roll with Antawn Jamison in Northern Ohio. But in the offseason the Clips added Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups, bumping Mo Williams down the bench. Throughout the season Eric Bledsoe even managed to leapfrog Williams and now the Clips find themselves paying their fourth string PG $8.5 million. That doesn't bode too well for a team looking to become a legitimate contender in the Western Conference. Though Williams' days in L.A. are probably numbered, he's no lock to be amnestied because he's entering the last year and a team might look to trade for his expiring contract.




Miami Heat - Mike Miller

Mike Miller should probably be amnestied for his haircut and awkward tattoo placement alone, but in seriousness if the Heat come up short again this year Miller will likely be on the way out. He was signed to the Heat to be their fourth option but he hasn't met expectations in his limited time on the court due to injuries. Miami doesn't need Miller to make the playoffs, but they need his production in the postseason if they hope to win not 2... not 3... not 4... not 5... not 6... not 7 championships. 4.6 points per game in the playoffs is not cutting it, and the Heat may well cut the $18.6 million left on his deal.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 5.8

Rough, tough, and terrific probably aren't the first words that come to mind when thinking of the Charlotte Bobcats, who just finished their season with a 7-59 record. With the firing of head coach Paul Silas, Patrick Ewing has emerged as a primary candidate for the vacant coaching position. All the X's and O's in the world couldn't have made the Bobcats a winning time this year, as they sported far and away the league's weakest roster. Ewing may not immediately be able to fix the Bobcat's utter lack of talent immediately... or can he? If he is as good at manipulating the draft lottery as David Stern was the year Ewing himself was drafted then Charlotte fans can get a head start on buying their foam unibrows in anticipation of Anthony Davis.

Carlos Boozer & Twista ft. Mario Winans "Winning Streak"

If you've ever watched Carlos Boozer on the basketball court, odds are you've also heard one or two of his signature yells. But clearly audio snippets picked up by microphones at either end of the court can't do justice to the two-time all-star's vocal abilities. 

So Boozer got in the lab with Twista and Mario Winans and churned out this gem to show us his he's got more to his lyrical game than just "Gimme dat sh*t" and "AND 1!" I don't think the big fella will be winning any Grammy awards for the single, but on a scale of 1 to Shaq Fu (the vanguard of all NBA rap) I'd give it a Ron Artest and a half.

Make no mistake, I'm not suggesting Boozer should give up as an MC altogether. I'm just saying if he wants me to keep listening to his work he better A) address the mystery of his magically appearing hair on a song or B) toss up a track with the audio from his on-court screams as ad libs.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 2.7

This week's Old School Pic of the Week isn't your father's old school pic. With all the talk this week about a team (most likely the Kings) relocating to Seattle, I got a wee bit excited and tossed up this hybrid Supersonics/Kings logo.

I doubt a potential new team would ever be dubbed the SuperKings, but hell, I'd be content with the Seattle Honey Badgers just as long as the NBA returned to the Emerald City.

NBA All-Head Case Team

The starting lineups for the NBA All-Star Game were announced this week, and though ten superstars made the cut, the vast majority of the league will instead be home watching. The coaches' selections have yet to be made, but we at Court of Appeals went a different route and chose to commemorate the players least likely to be selected by any coach. This is the NBA All-Head Case Team.

The criteria for selection to the All-Head Case Team is a player who:

1) In no way, shape, or form boosts his team's chemistry
2) Demonstrates outlandish behavior that overshadows positive on-court contributions
3) Is a liability to himself and others
4) Is bat shit crazy

PG - Delonte West

Yeah sure, Delonte posts career averages of 9.7 points and 3.6 assists per game, but he is better known for his (alleged) sexual escapades with LeBron's mom.

Even if we would rather give him the benefit of the doubt on that one, he is a liability to miss shoot around because as he states from 0:54 to 1:07 of this video, "I don't even wear a watch, I don't even need to know the time. 'Cause I get there when I get there. I'm on time. It don't matter if I'm late or early. I'm right on time when I get there so... I don't wear a watch."


Throw in the Three Loaded Guns On a Motorcycle Fiasco of 2009 and Delonte is a lock at point guard for the All-Head Case squad.

SG - Gilbert Arenas

Speaking of gun fiascos... Gilbert Arenas was the unanimous selection (among a selection committee of one) for the 2-spot.

Technically he is no longer an NBA player, but the legacy of his insanity lives on. The fact that Agent Zero remains a free agent less than a year after averaging 17 points per game for the Wizards is a testament to how psycho the man must truly be.

Though we can only hazard guesses at the full extent of his crazed mind, if his Twitter avatar pics are any indication, Gilbert Arenas redefines Criterion #4 for inclusion in this list (that is, bat shit craziness.)

SF - Metta World Peace

a) See name
b) See any or all of following links:
    World Peace on teeth
    World Peace in biggest brawl in American sports history
    World Peace drinking heavily
    World Peace & domestic violence
    World Peace attempting to decapitate JJ Barea
c) 15.2% 3-point shooting

PF - Andray Blatche

Versatility is the name of Blatche's game in the context of this lineup. He could give you 20 and 10 on any given night, but watch out if he approaches a triple-double as he's been known to steal rebounds from teammates and beg opponents for them.

Add the arrests for sexual solicitation and reckless driving on a suspended license and, boom, that power forward slot is all Dray's.


C  - JaVale McGee

Typically, on one of these All-Head Case Teams you don't want to include two teammates for fear that they might bring too much chemistry to the table. Fortunately for my hypothetical lineup, both Blatche and McGee are on the Wizards (who own a 4-20 record.)

He's garnered criticism for the occasional audacious dunk attempt in blowout losses, but his mom has gone on the record saying her son is "not a knucklehead." Mrs. McGee may be telling the truth, but her sheer presence could be a distraction to this squad as long as Delonte is around.

Reserves:

DeMarcus Cousins
Michael Beasley
Ivan Johnson
DeShawn Stevenson
Chris Andersen
Stephen Jackson
Zach Randolph (2001 version)


Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 10.6

The lockout is over and free agency is upon us! You know what that means; it's time to for the recently locked out NBA players to put down the TV remote/video game controller/large pizza (looking at you Eddy Curry) and get in shape for training camp. 

But players aren't the only ones getting back to action. Sir Charles and the rest of the league's broadcasters are going to have to be looking fit and trim for debut this season. Let's not forget, the camera adds 10 pounds.

2011 Free Agency: Better Than The Decision?

Though I've enjoyed filling the basketball-shaped void in my heart with college hoops for the past few weeks, nothing can compare to the pros. But before America (or at least its basketball nerds) can receive the greatest of all gifts in the form of a Christmas Day triple-header, we've still got to sort out who is suiting up for which team.

While the 2011 NBA free agent class won't cause the same hoopla as last season's crop, that is not to say there won't be some serious shuffling, wheeling, and dealing in this year's condensed free agent period. There are a number of factors that could make this just as exciting, if not more so than the Summer of The Decision. 

Reason 1: The amnesty provision of the new Collective Bargaining Agreement. It will allow teams to cut loose a player of their choice whose contract they wish to take off the books, and make them available. Rashard Lewis and his $118 million deal is pretty much the reason this clause was put in place, so expect to see him and other overpaid players like Baron Davis and Brandon Roy to hit the market. It's a shame for Roy, but as a wise man -- I believe Confucius -- once said: if you're owed $68 million, you're knees better be functional.

Reason 2: With no marquee free agents available this offseason, the focus of free agency will not be on fringe teams trying to instantly become contenders by landing a perennial All-Star. Instead the main storyline of free agency will be how elite teams will find the missing pieces to put them over the top. On the surface this may sound less intriguing, but the NBA needs a little irony every now and then and I, for one, cannot wait for the inevitable 72 hours when Samuel Dalembert becomes the central focus of the basketball world.

Reason 3: Speaking of 72 hours, the new CBA now allows teams only 3 days (as opposed to the previous 7) to match an offer for a restricted free agent. This change, coupled with the time crunch before training camp should make for a hectic and entertaining free agency period. Blink and you might miss your favorite player packing his bags and shipping off to Cleveland Boston.

Reason 4: In perhaps the most thrilling of the CBA's new stipulations, players that are amnestied will then have their services auctioned to the highest bidder. Awesome, I know. If the NBA has not yet arranged to do so, this event should be televised live on prime time in high def. I want to be able to see every bead of sweat on Minnesota GM David Kahn's brow in super slow-mo replay after he pulls the trigger (too soon?) and bids $9 million annually for Gilbert Arenas.

Back soon with more predictions on how free agency shakes out.

Court adjourned.

Bold Predictions for the 2011/2012 NBA Season: Part I

I woke up uncharacteristically early Sunday Morning November 26, 2011, still recovering from a turkey induced coma. This unusual early morning wake up can only be categorized as a beautiful instance of fate. I wearily looked at my phone, body aching with the after effects of thirds and fourths of garlic mashed potatoes, to see a tweet sent to me by fellow COA writer, Connor Witt, that read, “#NBAisBack.” Never hath my eyes turned upon such a simple yet glorious proclamation. I had a brief moment to gather myself, possibly a few single tears of joy, and then fervently tore through any sports media I could get my hands on, because it seemed too good to be true. The "tentative deal" struck between the NBAPA and NBA Owners seemed to emerge out of thin air, but there it was, unlikely and controversial, but to this beholder, beautiful. NBA basketball lived.

At this point, I must apologize to our loyal readers. I hate to admit my writing professionalism was shattered. I wanted to sulk, cry and curse the system. When the abbreviation NBA was uttered, a video montage of NBA highlights played in my head to the tune of REM’s “Everybody Hurts.” This doesn’t justify my neglect, but I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive my absence. It was a dark time. Needless to say, I was not optimistic about an NBA season coming to fruition. I had all but counted my proverbial chickens and was ready to start my bracketology studies much earlier than I expected or wanted.

Against all odds, the league and players came through. And now, the NBA’s delayed start has begun to really tickle the imagination and eagerness of basketball fans everywhere. As the old adage goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Quite frankly, this season has all the pieces to be potentially one of the most tremendous basketball seasons in recent memory. These 66 games have presented the Association with the opportunity to make believers out of the many doubters created by the NBA lockout More than ever, there are a lot if ins, a lot of outs, and inevitably, a lot of what-have-you’s. So without further ado, let the speculation begin! Here are some bold predictions for the 2011/2012 NBA season, brought to you by none other than Court of Appeals.

Christmas Day Predictions!

New York Knicks vs. Boston Celtics

Everybody and their dog knows that the Knicks traded everything but the kitchen sink for superstar Carmelo Anthony before the trade deadline last year. Between Anthony, Stoudemire, and Billups, the Knicks have the perfect concoction of youth, experience and talent to be a special team this year. With role player Landry Fields and first round draft pick Iman Shumpert picking it up on D, D'Antony's Knicks could be dynamic in the Big Apple. Boston showed their age down the stretch in the playoffs last year, and I think this fatigue is bound to catch up to these aging superstars. Lookout Boston Three Party, there's a new sheriff out East.

WINNER: New York Knicks

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks

Ya hate 'em or you love 'em, though cliché, nothing could be truer about this team. Most people expected the Heat to roll through the league with ease, but when they stumbled along the way, doubts began to arise. The Heat fell well short of NBA analyst, Jeff Van Gundy's, 72 win prediction, and people no longer felt the Heat to be favorites for the Eastern Conference crown. LeBron's Heat proved the doubters wrong and galloped into the NBA Finals. They met an unbelievably hot Mavericks team, and what can you say, they got Dirked. A little food for thought: this was the first year these three were together and they came within inches of the trophy. LeBron, Wade and Bosh are too good, too tenacious and too hungry to let the Mavs thwart them again on Christmas Day.

Winner: Miami Heat

Chicago Bulls vs. Los Angeles Lakers

Many had the Bulls riding that number 1 seed to the NBA Finals last year, but inexperience and fatigue seemed to set in as the Heat took the series easily 4 games to 1. Out west, Los Angeles seemed to show their age down the stretch, being swept handily by Dallas. Pau faded, Kobe and Artest (are we supposed to say Metta World Peace yet?) looked old and their frustration began to show. I think this will be the best game of the day and probably the closest. As a tiebreaker, I'll give it to the better conference.

Winner: Los Angeles Lakers

Mike Brown wins Coach of the Year

One of the bigger headlines from the Dallas Maverick’s sweep of the Los Angeles Lakers last year was that longtime coach Phil Jackson would finally retire. Jackson created an absolute basketball juggernaut in LA and his triangle offense works season in and season out. The unique thing about the Lakers though, is that they have a head coach on the floor. With the system that Jackson has implemented, NBA superstar Kobe Bryant has inherited this structure as second nature.. In Spike Lee’s movie, Kobe Doin’ Work, Lee sheds light on not only the brilliant and unbridled athlete Kobe is, but also the basketball knowledge he has mastered. All first year head coach, Mike Brown, needs to do is stick to formula that Phil Jackson has established. If Brown sticks to the script and lets his players do the work, the Lakers will continue to do what they always do and Brown will get the credit.

Monta Ellis becomes a 76er and leads them to deep playoff run

The small guard combo of Monta Ellis and Stephen Curry in Golden State has, so to speak, proved to come up short. The lack of defense and rebounding in this system has yielded little results. There’s no doubt that the Warriors have to make a change to be a contender in the ever-competitive Western Conference. There’s no doubt that Philly has been trying to shop Iguodala and a straight swap for Ellis seems to make perfect sense. Iggy provides height, defense, length and rebounding to a team that desperately needs all of these things. Philly needs a running mate to pair with emerging forward Thaddeus Young. Ellis is one of the most exciting and dynamic players, and could relieve thrive in the Eastern Conference. Monta reminds me of a guy the Sixers used to have, and if memory serves me correctly, that guy did pretty well in that system.

Alec Burks wins Rookie of the Year

Burks has never gotten much love as a basketball player. Going into college, the best school to look his way was the University of Colorado-Boulder, not exactly basketball Mecca. Ever since, Burks has played with a chip on his shoulder, which has served to his benefit. Being drafted 12^th overall by the Utah Jazz, Burks has a blossoming NBA game and will get plenty of playing time with a system that allows its rookies to prove themselves, a la Wes Matthews. “Draft experts” knocked Burks for not having the three-point range a shooting guard in the NBA needs to be succesful. Burks has used this lockout time to foster his three-point jumper. At the Pro Player Charity Classic, Burks efficiently stroked the pumpkin, going 5/6 from downtown and finishing with 29 points. In a draft class heralded as one of the weakest in recent memory, I think Burks unexpectedly steals the show, like he’s so used to doing.

Kevin Durant wins MVP

This lanky assassin has undoubtedly proved to be an elite player in the NBA. With unchecked range, and slick basketball prowess Durant has sealed himself as a league favorite. Though Durant was knocked for disappearing during last year’s playoff series against the Mavericks, Durant is young and will get plenty of chances to go deep in the spring. Durant will always get his numbers, and with this young team a year older and a year wiser I see them a legitimate contenders out of the West. With his squeaky-clean reputation and humble demeanor, the league is dying to give this guy MVP honors and I think this could be his year.

Miami Heat, NBA Champions

This season has been tailor-made for LeBron, he only has to play 3/4 of it! Joking aside, the guy is the most dominant force in the NBA and won’t let the chance to get his ring slip through his fingers again. The Heat nearly accomplished what they had promised in one year of play. The Heat had virtually no role players, and this year have the opportunity to snag some guys that can take the load off of the Big Three. Three names come to mind, Nene, Samuel Dalembert and Mehmet Okur. These three guys are huge competitors, aging and are hungry for a ring. With all the clout and hate surrounding the Heat last year, they made an unlikely run to the Finals but were thwarted by an unreasonably hot Dallas team. The only way Dallas was going to beat the Heat was if they played out of their mind, and they did. LeBron gets his ring. Everyone has had their shot at the King, but remember, he who laughs last laughs loudest.

Court is adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 9.27

This week has very important historical significance in the world of basketball. 20 years ago, USA Basketball selected its national team to compete in the 1992 Barcelona Olympic Games. In case you were unaware, that 1992 Olympic team (better known as the Dream Team) would go on to win its eight Olympic contests by an average margin of nearly 44 points en route to a gold medal.

So of course this week's installment of the Old School Pic should be Charles Barkley dunking on a member of the Angolan national team or something of that nature?

Pshhhh. NOPE!

This post is dedicated to the 1992 Dream Team's most notable snub, one Isiah Lord Thomas III. Here he is wearing a fur coat on the banks of Lake Michigan, probably thinking about what the weather is like in Barcelona.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 9.20

Former University of Michigan sharpshooter Glen Rice was known for his ability to score. During his junior campaign in 1987-88, Rice led the Wolverines in scoring with over 22 points a game and led the team to the Sweet Sixteen.

However, last week it became apparent that Rice's ability to score was not limited to the basketball court. During a tournament in Alaska in 1987, Rice reportedly had a nice little one night fling with a local sports reporter named Sarah Heath.

But why exactly is that particular rendezvous newsworthy? After all, the team's co-MVP surely got plenty of sugar from the lovely ladies of Ann Arbor.

Well, seven months after the hookup, Sarah Heath married her high school sweetheart Tim and became the woman we know today as Sarah Palin. Which led to...

... the Glen "Great Balls of Fire" Rice trading card. Either this represents an awesome coincidence or the card company got the memo about the Palin fiasco some 16 years before the general public. You be the judge.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 9.13

I'd be lying if I said I didn't look at Twitter's trending topics each time I log in, though more often than not they are meaningless and arbitrary (a current top 10 trend in the U.S. is #AnnoyingThingsPeopleSay.) But early on Sunday, Twitter gave me the greatest meaningless and arbitrary gift I could have ever asked for, the trending topic of #randomNBAplayers. Needless to say, I wasted the next few hours tweeting every random NBA player of all-time I could think of until I had real-life-type things to do. (The full transcript is available here.)

For this week's photo, I wanted to continue that theme with a lovely image of everyone's favorite mullet-clad, 7-foot-2, former Florida Gator, San Antonio Spur, and Mobile Reveler, Dwayne Schintzius!

With career averages of 2.7 points and 2.5 rebounds per game -- not to mention a 40.4% field goal percentage -- Schintzius could in fact be the league's most random player ever.

Old School Pic of the Week 9.6

In light of Maryland football trotting out quite possibly the most hideous sports uniforms ever to hit the playing field, Andy Gray of Sports Illustrated announced he would be compiling a photo gallery for the SI Vault of history's ugliest sports uniforms. While I easily could've posted a photo of the early 90's Nets "Tie Dye Unis" to fit the theme, I decided to go another route and focus instead on history's ugliest player. Hence, the photo of Sam Cassell.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 8.30

As the lockout approaches its second month, more and more players have made plans for the upcoming season aside from the NBA. When Deron Williams inked a deal with the Turkish club Besiktas in early July, his decision lead many fellow players to pursue playing overseas as well. Since Williams' signing, the likes of Ty Lawson (Lithuania), Jordan Farmar (Israel), Sasha Vujacic (Turkey), and Leandro Barbosa (Brazil) have agreed to play abroad for the upcoming season in the event of a continued work stoppage.

The league's reigning scoring champ, however, has an entirely different agenda for the upcoming year. Kevin Durant will be taking his talents to South Beach Baton Rouge, Louisiana to star in an upcoming Warner Bros. Film. Little is known about the project at this point, but if Durant's acting prowess is anywhere comparable to his shooting touch then we could have the next Jesus Shuttlesworth on our hands. Even if his performance does not merit any Oscars, Durant can let this week's Old School Pic serve as a reminder that a man's movies don't have to be good for him to sleep with 20,000 women become one of the best basketball player's ever

Wilt Chamberlain as Bombaata in the
1984 film, Conan the Destroyer

 

Old School Pic of the Week: 8/2

Unlike the NFL, that just reached a labor agreement, things aren't exactly looking up for professional basketball the at the moment. Both the NBA and the NBA Player's Association (NBPA) have filed complaints to the National Labor Relations Board claiming the opposing party has not "bargained in good faith." The NBA then filed another lawsuit in federal court that seeks to void existing player contracts if the union chooses to decertify and countersue.

It is easy to lose faith that NBA action will soon return when use of jargon like decertification and countersue outnumber the dunks, screens, or passes.  But all hope is not lost, and this week's photo proves it. 

This shot from the 1988 NBA Finals shows heated rivals Magic Johnson and Isiah Thomas setting aside their differences and finding harmony in the sweet, sweet game of basketball. NBA and NBPA, I hope you're taking notes.

*Potentially Ominous Sign: In the years since this photo, Magic and Isiah's relationship has soured considerably. Both Thomas' rumored questioning of Magic's sexuality and Magic's emphasis on keeping Isiah off the 1992 Dream Team have fueled the quarrel. Let's hope the NBA situation ends more cordially.

Court adjourned.

Whoa Nellie!

by Connor Witt

The morning of July 16, 2011 began like every other this month, waking up to the realization that I am still a victim of the NBA lockout. And as an individual who relies on basketball both for my personal entertainment and writing fodder, the work stoppage has been doubly painful for me.

To fulfill the emptiness in my heart where NBA action resided not so long ago, I’ve been relegated to watching whatever ancient footage NBATV chooses to air. Today, my lone option was a 1985 regular season matchup between the Celtics and Knicks. But as hard as I try to enjoy the little NBA activity I am granted access to, I find it pretty difficult to get excited about grainy footage of game with a predetermined outcome featuring Kevin McHale’s awkward shoulders and a cameo from Carl Banks.

Fortunately Minnesota's delusional GM David Kahn stepped in to shake up the bleak landscape of the NBA world.

No, Kahn wasn't burning four first-round picks on guards, accusing the NBA of rigging the lottery, or proclaiming Darko Milicic to be "manna from heaven" on this day. His most recent exploit was revealing that Don Nelson may be in line to succeed Kurt Rambis as head coach.

It is as if Kahn is trying to make America forget his blunders of old by continually breeding worse and worse ideas. After all, his choice words at the NBA Draft Lottery this year silenced the criticism about signing two backup point guards (Ramon Sessions and Luke Ridnour) to matching $16 million contracts in consecutive years. Perhaps, the next step in the nonsensical mind of David Kahn is to implement Nellie Ball in an attempt to erase the memory of the 132 losses over the past two seasons.

However -- as is the case with most of David Kahn's basketball related ideas, visions, epiphanies, or whatever you'd like to call them -- there are a number of reasons why this would be the worst idea ever.

1. The T-Wolves gave up 107.7 points per game last season. Keep in mind, that was under a coach that supposedly emphasized defense to some extent. Even if Nelson can get Minnesota's array of young talent to put up 120 points per night, they're going to be allowing in the neighborhood of 140 (I hope I'm exaggerating, but you never know with the Wolves.)

2. Three years ago Anthony Randolph tore up the Las Vegas Summer League and even received an invite to the USA National Team mini-camp. Don Nelson rewarded him by relegating Randolph to the darkest depths of Nellie's doghouse then eventually insisting he seek a trade out of Golden State. It should be disastrous interesting to see how Nelson/Randolph, Part II works out in Minnesota.

3. If the league has to bar Don Nelson from drinking beer at post-game press conferences, he's probably not going to be the guiding light to point Michael Beasley in the right direction. Yes, I know Beasley's often publicized troubles have come as a result of marijuana, not alcohol, but still couldn't David Kahn find one coach out there with a little bit better track record?

This potential move has implications beyond simply who calls Minnesota's Xs and Os. As a basketball fan, I don't know if I can handle another year of the constant media circus surrounding Miami's big three. If Nelson is to become the next T-Wolves head coach, I can only the hope Minnesota's dysfunctional three ring circus of a basketball team can steal some headlines from The Heatles.

I don't know if I would go so far as to say America needs more lunatic GMs at the helm of their franchises, but as it stands David Kahn is doing a fine job of keeping me entertained during these most stagnant of times.

All signs point to this being a lengthy lockout, and I anxiously await the next trick up Kahn's sleeve.

Court adjourned.

Old School Pic of the Week 5/16

A major question leading up to the Western Conference Finals has been whether the 38-year-old Jason Kidd will be able to stay in front of the young, explosive Russell Westbrook. While the answer remains to be seen, this pic is dedicated to a time when Kidd's game was as flashy as his platinum blonde locks.