As the season comes to an end for team after team, the front offices have to make the call on which players have a future with the team and which need to be sent packing. Following last year's lockout, the NBA implemented a provision that allows teams to cut players and not have their remaining salary count against the salary cap. These big-money players have been underperforming for their fat contracts and have landed themselves on Court of Appeals' Amnesty Alert.
Chicago Bulls - Carlos Boozer
He was brought in to Chicago as a post threat to pair with Derrick Rose because of his offensive versatility, but he has hurt the team so much defensively that he can't be left on the floor in tight contests. Typically his ability to hit open shots and create his own offense would be enough to make up for his defensive shortcomings, but he has not been producing at the all-star level we are accustomed to seeing. Don't get us wrong, we love Carlos Boozer at Court of Appeals but he's going to need to do more than spraypaint his head and put out the occasional dismal hip-hop song to earn the $47 million remaining on his contract. Taj Gibson, though not the same scorer, makes peanuts in comparison ($3.2 million in 2012-13) and provides comparable stats per 36 minutes plus a definite defensive edge. For 15 million per season, he can't expect put up 3 points in an elimination game and feel any sense of job security. If Boozer is in fact amnestied, I only pray that he pairs up with the newly-unemployed Stan Van Gundy to form a duo with unmatched yelling capabilities.
New York Knicks - Amar'e Stoudemire
Speaking of underperforming power forwards with lackluster defensive skills... Stoudemire was worse in nearly every statistical category in his first full season alongside Carmelo Anthony. With the Mike D'Antoni era in the Big Apple ending only a tad more respectably than Isiah Thomas', the Knicks must be wondering if the Carmelo/Amar'e/Chandler trio is the right core to move forward with. They owe Stoudemire $65 million over three more seasons, a steep price to pay especially when that money might have to cover punitive damages to Amar'e's poor fire extinguisher or Jeremy Lin for his impressive performance in an incredibly small body of work. This is the same team that gave Jerome James $30 million based on one impressive playoff series after a season in which he averaged 5 points and 3 boards after all.
Los Angeles Clippers - Mo Williams
Mo was probably happy to escape the Post-Decision Cavaliers for the greener pastures of Los Angeles. Throwing lobs to Blake Griffin and popping trey balls in SoCal is quite a bit more enticing than running the pick and roll with Antawn Jamison in Northern Ohio. But in the offseason the Clips added Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups, bumping Mo Williams down the bench. Throughout the season Eric Bledsoe even managed to leapfrog Williams and now the Clips find themselves paying their fourth string PG $8.5 million. That doesn't bode too well for a team looking to become a legitimate contender in the Western Conference. Though Williams' days in L.A. are probably numbered, he's no lock to be amnestied because he's entering the last year and a team might look to trade for his expiring contract.
Miami Heat - Mike Miller
Mike Miller should probably be amnestied for his haircut and awkward tattoo placement alone, but in seriousness if the Heat come up short again this year Miller will likely be on the way out. He was signed to the Heat to be their fourth option but he hasn't met expectations in his limited time on the court due to injuries. Miami doesn't need Miller to make the playoffs, but they need his production in the postseason if they hope to win not 2... not 3... not 4... not 5... not 6... not 7 championships. 4.6 points per game in the playoffs is not cutting it, and the Heat may well cut the $18.6 million left on his deal.
It's that time of year again. With the conclusion of the regular season, the time to present the annual awards is upon us. Already, Gregg Popovich has been named the Coach of the Year and LeBron is a near lock to take home the MVP for the third time in the last four seasons. But since that debate has been all but settled, we are looking to decide the the awards that the people really care about. No, not the Defensive Player, 6th Man, or Rookie of the Year. I'm talking about the 2nd annual NBA Should-Be Awards, the obscure honors that the NBA does not recognize but we at Court of Appeals are proud to hand out.
When we posted Carlos Boozer's new single "Winning Streak" on Monday it got us at Court of Appeals thinking about where he ranked in the pantheon of NBA players turned rappers. So we gathered a group of friends parading as the foremost experts in basketball and hip hop and compiled our top 10.
10. Gordon Hayward aka G-Time- "Too Big Yo"
To get a good understanding of the worst possible result an NBA player turned rapper can produce we start with Gordon Hayward, also known by his stage name G-Time. I could offer my own insight on this song but I believe the principal in Billy Madison really captured it best:
"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
9. Carlos Boozer & Twista- "Winning Streak" (feat. Mario Winans)
If you've ever watched Carlos Boozer on the basketball court, odds are you've also heard one or two of his signature yells. But clearly audio snippets picked up by microphones at either end of the court can't do justice to the two-time all-star's vocal abilities. So Boozer got in the lab with Twista and Mario Winans and churned out this gem to show us his he's got more to his lyrical game than just "Gimme dat sh*t" and "AND 1!" Last week we wrote, I don't think the big fella will be winning any Grammy awards for the single, but on a scale of 1 to Shaq Fu (the vanguard of all NBA rap) I'd give it a Ron Artest and a half. As it turned out, Ron Artest jumped him in the rankings. Sorry Carlos.
8. Jason Kidd- "What the Kidd Did"
In Kidd’s first stint in Dallas, he wasn’t known for being a vocal leader on the floor, but a vocal leader on the microphone. In this sultry smooth ballad about himself, Kidd reminisces about how he was misunderstood in high school, his days at Cal, and even likens himself to football great Jim Kelly. If I were J-Kidd I’d focus less on gaining respect for my ring, and focus on getting respect for my rhymes. But hey, “Who said being a Kidd was easy?”
7. Kobe Bryant- "K.O.B.E."
Kobe’s penchant for the ladies is a pretty well documented, to say the least. In his critically acclaimed single, “K.O.B.E,” Kobe lets loose his issues with the womenfolk. From women using him for his money, to finding true love, to God, the Black Mamba pours his heart out. The man lives by a simple code, “basketball, beats and broads.” I respect the hell out of that. And when you Add Tyra Banks to the track, pshhh, game over. This beat is pure gold (and purple, I guess).
6. Tony Parker- "Top of the Game" (feat Fabolous & Booba)
Damn, I wish I were Tony Parker. The dude has it all, beautiful women, three NBA Championships, a finals MVP, charisma, charm, and above all else mad filthy French rapping skills. The video portrays a typical day for Tony. Chillin’ on some fire escape stairs, shootin’ hoops with friends Fabolous and Booba, spittin’ rhymes while fire and smoke drape over them. Ya know, classic French stuff. If I could understand what Tony was actually saying there might be some room for some lyrical criticism. But let's just face it, it sounds cool.
5. Ron Artest- "Champions"
Call it cocky, call it lucky, or call it Ron-Artest-is-so crazy-he-might-be-psychic, but Artest wrote the song “Champions,” a year before he and the Lakers took the title in 2010. It only took Artest about 5 minutes after game 7 to promote his single, and thank his psychiatrist. But with over 2 million hits on youtube, and a featured track on the video game NBA 2K11, the song is a hit. With a pretty catchy hook, sweet music video, and Artest’s Nostradamusesque allure the hit lands on our list at number 5.
4. Lou Williams- "Slow It Down" (feat. David Patten)
Lou touches on the topics of cribs, cars, and cash in "Slow It Down." Not exactly revolutionizing rap content, but you gotta hand it to the guy he's got a pretty nice flow, NBA player or not. And if this list were for the song featuring the best crooning from a white guy, it's a lock for #1.
3. Allen Iverson aka Jewelz- "Last Night"
There are a few questions "The Answer" has to address now that no NBA team is willing to give the former MVP another chance. How is he going to reconcile the massive debt he has incurred? And secondly, will he take his chances playing soccer, or hit the studio to make some scrilla? Admittedly, I would love to see Iverson strap on some cleats and hit the pitch, but I think Iverson has a better shot putting out an album. Ironically, Iverson's rap name Jewelz, is the exact vice that got him in this whole financial pickle. Iverson's track has nice production, and hilariously ironic name aside, he's actually pretty good. Unfortunately for Iverson he hasn't put out any new material for a while. It seems that much like his basketball routine, his rapping routine lacks practice.
2. Shaquille O'Neal- "I Know" (I Got Skillz)
Shaq is a jack of many trades and he's been known to dabble in the rap game. I'd argue Shaq's verse on Fu Schnickens' "What's Up Doc" is a better overall performance but as far as solo tracks go "I Know I Got Skillz" is the jam. Bonus points to the Diesel for his khaki vest suit thing in the music video.
If you've ever watched Carlos Boozer on the basketball court, odds are you've also heard one or two of his signature yells. But clearly audio snippets picked up by microphones at either end of the court can't do justice to the two-time all-star's vocal abilities.
So Boozer got in the lab with Twista and Mario Winans and churned out this gem to show us his he's got more to his lyrical game than just "Gimme dat sh*t" and "AND 1!" I don't think the big fella will be winning any Grammy awards for the single, but on a scale of 1 to Shaq Fu (the vanguard of all NBA rap) I'd give it a Ron Artest and a half.
Make no mistake, I'm not suggesting Boozer should give up as an MC altogether. I'm just saying if he wants me to keep listening to his work he better A) address the mystery of his magically appearing hair on a song or B) toss up a track with the audio from his on-court screams as ad libs.
Mo was probably happy to escape the Post-Decision Cavaliers for the greener pastures of Los Angeles. Throwing lobs to Blake Griffin and popping trey balls in SoCal is quite a bit more enticing than running the pick and roll with Antawn Jamison in Northern Ohio. But in the offseason the Clips added Chris Paul and Chauncey Billups, bumping Mo Williams down the bench. Throughout the season Eric Bledsoe even managed to leapfrog Williams and now the Clips find themselves paying their fourth string PG $8.5 million. That doesn't bode too well for a team looking to become a legitimate contender in the Western Conference. Though Williams' days in L.A. are probably numbered, he's no lock to be amnestied because he's entering the last year and a team might look to trade for his expiring contract.
